Buried with Christ, Joseph Chu

I really don't know how to explain what happened that night. It was Saturday, November 9^th, 2002 and we were at a college age Christian retreat up in Big Bear, California. It all started the few days leading up to the retreat when I had the thought that maybe I needed to get baptized. I had been continuously bothered by self-condemnation for sins that I had committed in my past. Although I had the knowledge that the blood of Christ covered my transgressions, I did not have the reality. It seemed as though God had forgiven me, but I had not forgiven myself. Something needed to be done. However, I had many arguments in my being about baptism.

Nevertheless, as the steady stream of people rising up to get baptized increased, I felt more and more the Spirit's touching me. Many considerations flowed through my mind about the preceding year and a half in the Full-Time Training in Anaheim. My life was so different now as compared to before. Before the Full-Time Training, though I had grown up as a Christian, you would probably find me on a typical Saturday night at the movie theater or even worse at a bar or a nightclub. Now those days seemed long behind. I had given myself to the Lord, at least in private. But that particular night, the Lord was asking me for something public. As I wandered by the baptismal area, I nearly bailed out. For a few seconds, as I waded through the crowd of humanity, I thought that maybe the moment had passed. But as I reached the back of the crowd, I passed by the table with all the baptism suits. I steered my unwilling body to that table and started to search for a suit my size. I quietly grabbed a suit and then headed back into the restroom to change.

In the restroom, I ran into a few friends and I told them that I was going to get baptized. I didn't want to talk too much lest I would lose my nerve, so I just pushed past them and started to change. As I came out of the restroom, I handed my clothes to one of my friends and headed to the back of the baptism line. As I continued waiting, many tears started to well up within me. I couldn't stop them, so I just let them come. At first, it was just a few tears, but as my turn approached, more and more tears rained down. I had to keep wiping them away with my hands. The tears were tears of realization and resignation. I realized that everything I had ever done up until that point was worth nothing, both the good and the bad. All the sin, all the sins, all the successes, and all the failures; all of it was good for nothing but termination and burial. I was resigned that I could no longer try to live my life. All my trying was really for naught. I had given up the struggling. I needed Christ to live through me. When it was finally my turn and as I waited in the water, I closed my eyes and really began to weep. My heart raced. The tears continued to run down my face as I wept. The brothers serving to baptize people prayed briefly. After they were done, I prayed with all my heart: “Lord Jesus, I love You. I give my whole life to You. Lord, I'm tired of all the things of the world holding me back. Lord, save me. Lord I just want to love You.” The words seemed to scream out of my being. I felt so released. Then I was buried. The brothers took me by the arms and sank me deep into the death water (Romans 6:4-5). It was only a brief moment, but everything died in that water. When I was raised up out of the water, I felt new and fresh and light. All my cares and fears and condemnation from sin did not come up out of that water. I had left it behind. I had crossed the river. I was so happy. I couldn't believe all that had transpired.

Afterward, I was so joyful that I had gotten baptized. I had never experienced anything so dynamic and living as that baptism. There truly was an outpouring of the Holy Spirit that night. Acts 2 was real in my experience. Although Satan tried to convince me that it was an emotional high, deep down I knew that was not the case. It was too real to have been just emotion. It was so real that it only could have been the Spirit. That night I was so peaceful. I had such a clear sky with the Lord; I never felt so close with Him as I did that night. Now whenever Satan tries to accuse me concerning past sins, I just point to that night and to that death water (Revelation 12:11). It has all been buried. There is nothing left to accuse me about.

Now a verse from a hymn testifies to my experience:

Buried with Christ, and raised with Him too;

What is there left for me to do?

Simply to cease from struggling and strife,

Simply to walk in newness of life.

Glory be to God!

(Hymns, #483)